


Whiskey Lullaby

by orphan_account



Series: Polyamorous Phan AU Drabbles [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, Polyamory, Pregnancy, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 13:29:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13904991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I suck at summaries. This is one of the stories in a series staring Dan, Phil, and my oc.





	Whiskey Lullaby

The reception was beautiful. Granted, it wasn't the kind of reception Robyn had dreamed of. She couldn't complain though. It was her fault. Dan had said so in his letter. The last letter he ever wrote her. 

Why his mother had hired her to sing at the event, she didn't understand. She had broken his heart and yet everyone welcomed her with opened arms. Even Phil, even though he had more than enough reason to hate her. 

"Robyn." 

Her heart skipped a beat. She knew it wasn't him, but lately every voice belonged to Dan. She turned around to see Phil. He looked so handsome in his tuxedo. If only he wasn't wearing it to their ex-boyfriend's funeral. 

"It's time for you to go on stage." 

He smiled at her sadly and squeezed her hand. As she walked onto the stage she went over the last couple weeks in her head. No one expected him to do it. He seemed happy enough, even after they had broken up. 

"H-hi. I know everyone here  
must be crushed by the loss of Dan, but I think he would have wanted us I be happy. I think he's in a better place now." 

Of course she didn't think that. Dan would have wanted them to mourn for him. He would have wanted to be remembered. But it's what everyone needed to hear. 

"I would like to tribute this to him. He always loved hearing me sing, especially those sad old country songs." 

She gulped. It was now or never. 

"Dan, si puedes oírme, todavía te amo. Lo siento por todo lo que has tenido que sufrir. No sabíamos cuándo estabas vivo y dudo que lo hagamos ahora. Pero me reconforta saber que estás en un lugar mejor, donde esas cosas ya no te afectarán más. te quiero."

Robyn took a deep breath in and motioned for the music to start to play. Not many people knew, but after the breakup he fell hard into the glass bottles that littered their flat. You could almost always smell it on him. It hurt her so much, knowing she had caused his pain. 

She guessed that was why she picked the song. 

"She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette.  
She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget.  
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time.  
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind. 

Until the night,

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger.  
And finally drank away her memory  
Life is short, but this time it was bigger. 

Than the strength he had to get up off his knees.  
We found him with his face down in the pillow.  
With a note that said, 'I'll love her till I die.' "

Her voice cracked, at this point she knew she had tears running down her face. She didn't care. Some how, Dan and Phil had to know that she was sorry.

"And when we buried him beneath the willow.  
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby. 

La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la.  
The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself.  
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath.  
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time.  
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind. 

Until the night,

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger.  
And finally drank away his memory.  
Life is short, but this time it was bigger. 

Than the strength she had to get up off her knees.  
We found her with her face down in the pillow.  
Clinging to his picture for dear life. 

We laid her next to him beneath the willow.  
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.

La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la  
La la la la la la la.”

She stood petrified on stage until Phil grabbed her arm and gently pulled her off stage. She got lost in a sea of guests trying to console her. Their voices bounced off of her and fell to the floor. 

The end of the song would make sense soon. After tonight, Phil could forget her and everything she had messed up in his life. He could forget her. 

She stood at the door, staring at her keys. It was the last time she would set foot in their flat. No. Phil's flat. After tonight he could have it to himself. He could have everything to himself. 

She walked up the stairs into the building and immediately went into the bathroom. She swiftly closed the door and turned to the sink. Bending down she grabbed the nearest bottle and the small knife she had hid there earlier. 

She stepped into the shower and sat on the ground. She turned her hand in her lap and stared at the scarred, pink skin of her wrist. Hopefully, this wouldn’t be a repeat of her last attempt to do this. 

'God, if you're there, please forgive me. I know this isn't the first time I've sinned, but I know that it will be the last.' 

She silently prayed as she unscrewed the cap on the pill bottle. Full. Good. It would be over quickly. She opened the pocket knife and pressed the tip to her wrist. One line down and everything would be over. 

She dumped the pills into her hand and turned on the shower head. Handful by handful, gulp by gulp she emptied the bottle. She looked down at her wrist again and rotated the knife. 

She didn't deserve a quick end. She deserved to suffer. She dragged the knife across her wrist and watched as tiny beads of crimson appeared. She repeated the motion over and over, staining her white skirt. 

"Robyn?" 

'Crap!' She winced at the sound of Phil's voice. He deserved so much more than he got. He didn't deserve to find his ex-fiancé dead in his own home. 

"¿Qué es, cariño?"

"Are you okay?" 

His voice was low and sad. The loss of Dan had effected him just as hard, if not harder than Robyn. Not had they lost their best friend, but but their lover as well.

No. She wasn't okay. 

"Sí. Estoy bien."

"Do you want me to join you?"

Yes. Just like old times. When Dan and Phil would surprise her in the shower. 

"No"

"Oh. Ok."

She winced again. Phil's voice was so soft, so sad. She knew how hard Dan's suicide had hit Phil. She hadn't meant for this to happen. She just wanted a break. 

"Robyn? Robyn! ROBYN! That's it, I'm coming in!" 

Robyn scrambled on the floor, trying to hide the evidence of what she had done. 

Click. 

'Crap.'

Why hadn't she locked the door? Why could she not even do this right. It had seemed so simple. Dan had done it and no one noticed in time to stop him. He had always been better than Robyn. 

She slumped to the floor, defeated. She had failed them all. Dan, Phil, Philipa Danielle. Sweet little Pippa. She didn’t deserve this. If only Robyn had been smart enough to keep her safe. 

Time seemed to slow as Phil opened the door and rushed to her. He fell to his knees and grabbed her. He took the knife from her hand and set it down next to them. He hugged her and began to whisper sweet reassurances into her ear. 

She sobbed into his chest and wailed. 

“I failed.”

She whispered. Phil’s head snapped down and he stared at her.

“What do you mean, Robyn? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Yes, yes I have. I-i failed all of you. You, Dan, Pippa. I’m so stupid, I can’t even keep a baby healthy. I failed and I took it out on you and Dan. He’s dead now, because I needed a fucking break.” She said sobbing again. 

"What do you mean Robbie? Pippa's perfectly healthy. Dan's right next to you. They're fine. You’re fine. Come on, wake up. It's alright." 

Phil's voice was low and confused. 

"Robbie, come on. Wake up. Please."

Robyn felt like she was being shaken and suddenly curled into herself. Everything was so loud. Bright. Clear. Real. 

“Phil?”

Robyn’s voice shook slightly, her eyes still closed and hand out stretched towards her fiancé.

“I’m right here Robbie. It’s alright. We’re right here.”

Robyn shook, still crying. She curled into Phil and felt Dan snuggle into her back. She gasped at the feeling of him behind her and flipped over to face him. He was looking at both her and Phil with concern in his eyes. 

“Oh Dios. Te amo, Dan. Pensé que te había perdido. Perdí a Pippa. Oh Dios. te quiero.”

Dan looked shocked at her words and simply nuzzled her neck and mumbled an ‘I love you too’ as he placed his hand on her swollen stomach.

Phil quickly joined Dan’s hand with his own.

Robyn took a deep breath. It was okay. She was okay. She had her boys and that was what mattered. That was all that mattered.

“I love y’all.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story. Probably turned out real crappy. Oh well.


End file.
